I like to read the newspaper. I think it's a really good place to learn about the news. It's good to stay up to date about stuff that happens because someday the same thing could happen to you and then wouldn't you like to know that it happened before to somebody else?
But, I read this story about a drunk guy who got stuck in a chimney and... well... I don't think that will happen to me. Why not, you ask?
Because I'm not a fuckin retard, that's why!
WTF is wrong with this guy? He gets drunk and then goes to pee, then he comes back but guess what? He goes to the wrong house, and the door's locked! Well, so, he tries to get in by going in the chimney?
What kind of sick fucker Santa Clause does he think he is?
Anyway, they rescued his ass. I woulda left him there to cook when they started the fire, then maybe at least somebody could eat barbecued Santa for breakfast!
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